Top 5 things I didn't expect when becoming a Dad

I am a Dad of two sons. My oldest is almost four and my youngest is a month old as of this writing. I'm tired.

Becoming a Dad is a major life change. There is not very much that prepares us for the big life transition. In fact, becoming a new Dad actually results in biological changes. For me, it helped to talk to other Dads and read about other Dads' experiences. So that's what I'm going to do here. I'm going to share my Dad experiences. 

I most definitely do not have it figured all out. If I'm certain of anything it's that there is no one-size-fits-all advice. Take or leave anything you find here as it suits you.

Since the internet is full of lists already, what's the harm in adding one more? Here's my list of the Top 5 things I didn't expect when becoming a Dad.

1. You will forget who you used to be.

I knew that the life changes would be huge. I knew that I would sacrifice a lot of the freedom I enjoyed pre-Dad. No more saying 'yes' to 7pm calls from friends to hit the bar. No more random wandering through town on a Saturday afternoon. What I didn't expect is that I would no longer be able to even relate to my old self. I often try to imagine what that life was like. Sure, I sometimes even romanticize it. But it's difficult to even remember what it was like to be that version of me. 

Don't get me wrong -- I still do many of the same things for fun that I did pre-Dad. I work out, play in a gigging band, hang with friends, etc. You should prioritize maintaining those elements of your life that bring you joy and health. But I now feel like a different person who does those things. Aside from having to schedule/coordinate these activities days/weeks in advance, it all feels different. 

2. The hospital stay is hell.

I knew the actual delivery process was going to be an eye opener (and was it ever!), but I didn't expect the post-partem hospital stay to feel like a scene from Full Metal Jacket. You will only sleep in 1 hour intervals. There is no day or night. You will be screamed at. You will be broken down and remolded into the shape of a Dad.

3. There is no single formula for how to care for a baby.

As a rookie Dad, you will be navigating a lot of unfamiliar territory. Why won't my kid sleep? Why does my kid make that face? Why does the baby breathe weird? How do I know if the baby is sick? Is that weird mark on his face normal? Etc., etc., etc. Who will you turn to for answers? Probably google. Maybe your folks. Maybe other parents. You will find dozens of different, contradictory, and seemingly equally probable answers to every question you have. This is in part because every child is different and every parent's experience is different. Find what works for you, talk things through with your pediatrician and SO, and don't worry if there doesn't seem to be a single magical formula. The baby will not arrive with Ikea instructions.

4. Some of the advice you receive isn’t great.

To follow on from #3, some people will give you truly shitty advice. Expect it. It won't necessarily sound poor. It may be delivered with the best of intentions. I figured that people who have kids or who write about parenting must know what they're talking about. Wrong. You will get to know your kid better than anybody. In the end, you will know what is best. Like any good manager, you will solicit and consider advice, but you will make the executive decisions. Trust yourself. 

5. Your relationship with baby's Mom will change

Not only will you be fundamentally changed (see #1), but so will your baby's Momma, and so will your relationship with her. Pay attention to and nurture the relationship as though it was brand new. You will both be tired, stressed out, and short tempered. Nurturing this new relationship will require a lot of patience and care. If you can make it out the other side, your relationship will be deeper and more meaningful than ever. 

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more disassembled ramblings from a tired Dad's scrambled brain, coming soon!