It has been a while since I've posted. No free time! From wake-up to lights out, it's go-go-go all week. How am I even writing this right now? What essential task am I ignoring? How am I going to pay for this act of procrastination later?
How do parents manage to carve out time to even think about managing their time?
It is trite and insufficient to state that being a parent is a full-time job. That's like calling military basic training a little retreat. You can't even complain about it. Complaining is interpreted as an admission that you dislike being a parent. I love being a parent, but parenting will eat all your time -- those two things are not in opposition.
When we had just one little guy, I did a better job of carving out a little time for myself. I grabbed an hour a day to workout, hang with friends, or play music. That hour made a huge difference. A little goes a long way. I was in better shape, my moods were stable, and I was overall more resilient.
Since having the second little guy, it has been much harder to carve out that time. Every day ends with something urgent that went unaddressed. How can I justify taking time for myself? The mere act of trying elicits feelings of guilt. It seems selfish.
Are you in a similar situation? Do you find your days packed with responsibilities, with no spare moments despite your best efforts?
You have a full-time job that is sometimes more than full. You get kids to school or daycare in the morning -- no extra time. You get as much done as you can while you're working -- no extra time. You pick up kids, bring them home, feed them, bathe them, clean up after them -- no extra time. You get the kids to bed, sometimes in a few minutes, sometimes after an hour or more of struggle -- no extra time. Now that the kids are asleep, you can make a half-arse attempt at cleaning the house, finishing whatever work was incomplete, or taking care of other business -- no extra time. And this, in my case, is with a partner. How do single parents survive!
So, what can be done to carve out that much-needed personal time?
Here is the part in the post where I brainstorm ideas. The big caveat is that I don't do any of these things well, but I know they are worth the effort and I am writing them down as much for myself as for anyone else.
1. Get Help! Leverage your network of family, friends, and trusted babysitters. It's hard to ask for help—I know I struggle with this—but overcoming this hesitation is crucial. They can offer you that much-needed breather to recharge.
2. Plan Your Time! Organize your tasks and personal time in a calendar. Start with something simple, like an hour for yourself each week. Seeing your week laid out can be daunting, but it also allows you to manage your time better and feel in control, even if it's just a semblance of it. I've started doing this with my wife, and it's been beneficial. I've managed to stick to my scheduled music sessions after bedtime with about 70% success.
3. Spend Time with Other Parents. Mixing social and family time can be refreshing. While I love all my friends, those with kids can double as playdates, meaning adults get to socialize while kids stay entertained. It's a win-win situation.
Finding time for yourself amidst the busy life of parenting isn't just a luxury—it's essential for maintaining your health and happiness. Remember, managing your time effectively doesn't mean you love your children any less.
For more insights on balancing life with kids and other parenting tips, keep following my blog. Engaging with other parents through comments or on social media can also provide additional support and ideas, helping us all to better navigate the rewarding yet challenging journey of parenthood.
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